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Royally Screwed, by Valerie Seimas
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Kat doesn’t believe in happily-ever-afters – and she’s far too practical to believe in fairytales. Royalty may be on the guest list of the parties she works but Prince Charming never shows up. She’s definitely not the damsel in distress he’d be looking for either; she can take care of herself, her brother the emotional artist, and anyone else that comes along just fine.
Sebastian, the Royal Rebel of Sezynia, doesn’t believe in love or commitment – he’s more into one-night stands. His greatest ambition in life is to be James Dean, not a king. But to prevent his conniving cousin from taking the throne, that’s exactly what he has to be. There’s just one small problem – Sebastian has to be married to do it. Not an easy feat for the guy who’s spent his life avoiding all sense of responsibility.
When Sebastian and Kat meet it's fate – the prince definitely needs a lesson in propriety. But Kat has doubts – princes and propositions were never part of her plan. Then again, where’s the harm in helping the flirty prince find a wife anyway?
- Sales Rank: #78736 in eBooks
- Published on: 2014-10-02
- Released on: 2014-10-02
- Format: Kindle eBook
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
The perfect mix of laughter and sexiness
By DukTape
What a hoot -- this is so much fun! This book has just the perfect mix of hilarity and sexiness. The characters start out funny, and stay funny, but they are well-rounded, and don't stay with the superficial hilarity for long. Each has their own sense of humor, and stands on their own. The sexy playboy prince would seem to be a stereotype, but he is more than he appears to be. Kat is more than the drudge she thinks she is, the money-making machine that keeps her little household going. Minor characters are well-rounded, too. The story moves quickly, and makes sense. It's quirky, and I liked it a lot. I originally got this book out of curiosity -- the author is someone that posts in a writing group I'm also in. But it was totally worth my time, and I will look forward to reading more by her. Such good stuff!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
A good story, but needs some polishing
By Chelsea Heidt
3.5 stars out of 5--it's strong in plot and characters, but needs some polish overall.
I don't read a lot of contemporary romances. I typically find them...lacking. I don't know why. Maybe I've just picked up one too many that involved a heroine who was incapable of thinking of anything other than what clothing she was going to wear or buy next. Maybe it was just one too many control freak love interests. Maybe it was something else. But when someone posted Royally Screwed to the writing group I'm a member of on Facebook, it looked...charming. So I gave it a try, and I'm glad I did, because charming is exactly what it was.
Kat is barely making ends meet as a caterer in New York when she bumps into Sebastian, Prince of Sezynia, at a party she's working--and avoiding him was the one thing she was supposed to do. She catches his eye, and knows it; she's also determined to not let him get what he wants. She wants to put him in his place a bit, and does so...until she doesn't, and ends up sleeping with him instead. She's determined to leave it at that, but Sebastian isn't. He needs to get married in a hurry if he wants to have a shot at claiming his rightful place as heir to the Sezynian throne, and immediately tries to get Kat to marry him. She says no. He persists. She continues to decline. And then, she decides to say yes--not to marrying him, but to being his matchmaker and finding someone else for him to marry.
You can probably guess how this goes.
I liked Kat, and I liked Sebastian, and I liked the supporting characters, for the most part. A few of them had some catchphrases that got really annoying really fast (like Kat constantly telling Sebastian that she's "too hot to handle") but overall I think there was a good dynamic, without too many superfluous characters taking up page time. Kat's relationship with her brother is a driving force in the book, which I thought was well done. Sebastian is kind of a jerk, but in an adorable way, and he's always respectful of Kat. He persists in asking her to marry him, but most of the time he doesn't really mean it, and when they start to get physical and she tells him "no" for any reason, he backs off. That's good. The story was, as I said, charming--a modern day Ruritanian romance, and I can definitely see Sezynia being next-door neighbors with The Princess Diaries' Genovia.
I pretty much devoured this, and didn't see any huge plot problems along the way. I did find a few things that baffled me. For example, Seimas talks about Kat being a lifeguard and swim instructor (she carries a lifeguard whistle and can teach kids the breaststroke) but it's never actually mentioned that she works as one, though her work as a caterer is mentioned multiple times. At the beginning, it's suggested that Kat's brother works at the same business, but we never see any evidence of this. There weren't big plot holes, but there were little continuity problems that could definitely be tightened up. Royally Screwed could also really, really do with another serious round of line edits. Seimas has a penchant for Random Capitalization, which comes across as rather 18th century, and also has a tendency to misuse words, particularly homophones or words that sound similar but not exactly the same. For example: Sebastian's sister finds Kat wondering the corridors (should be wandering) and his grandmother thinks (or Sebastian says she thinks) that Kat's hips aren't wide enough to bare children. I hope no children are being bared, though if they're considering Kat bearing children, that's another issue entirely. Seimas also really needs a refresher in how commas work in dialogue, and maybe a bit of brushing up on quotation marks, too. Overall, I think another round of edits could have immensely improved this as a quality product. The plot is solid, but the line edits are desperately needed.
And I'm not a huge fan of the cover (it seems a little middleschool to me, and a middleschool novel this most decidedly is not) but that might just be my personal preference. Seimas could benefit from making her name a little larger and easier to read, though, regardless of the rest of the cover design--the author's name should always be prominent on a cover.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
He doesn’t believe in love and figures if he ever marries at all
By ADropofInkReviews
*Disclaimer – I was gifted a copy of this book to give an honest and unbiased review.*
Kat is a tough, strong New Yorker who doesn’t take anything from anyone. She’s long taken care of herself and her brother and she doesn’t need any help, thank you very much. And that definitely included spoiled princes.
Sebastian is the Playboy Prince of Sezynia. He’s only months away from his 30th birthday and the ultimatum has come down. Get married or lose the throne to your cousin. However, he has absolutely no interest in marriage, preferring one-night stands. He doesn’t believe in love and figures if he ever marries at all, it will be for duty only.
Sergei is the long-time suffering steward who follows Sebastian around and tries to keep him out of trouble, with little affect on the prince’s behavior. In his quest to find the prince a suitable wife, he has a party thrown for Sebastian. The only requirement? Only proper, eligible women are to be there. Absolutely NO female waitstaff at all. Unfortunately, Blaze, Kat’s brother, was down with the flu and couldn’t take his shift. In order to save his job, Kat covers for him. However, Prince Sebastian seems to have a radar built in specifically for the improper female. Anything that would drive his father nuts is exactly what he’s looking for. If he doesn’t have to commit, even better.
Even though she’s not a true damsel in distress, Sebastian helps her take out the trash after she takes care of a sous chef who’s a wee bit too handy with those hands of his. Thinking she’s going to get fired for it, she might have drunk a tad bit too much alcohol and found herself falling for Sebastian’s charms. When it was all said and done, she knew it wouldn’t work in a million years. She was too practical and he was too commitment phobic. However, she could help Sebastian find a wife and keep the throne of his country. It shouldn’t be too hard to find someone who met the Prince’s high standards and was okay with marrying royalty for status and money.
This story was a lot of fun. It does follow the tried and true path in one of these stories. We all know how they start and we all know how they end. However, how the author gets you there is the beautiful thing. Valerie does a great job in keeping the story moving along and showing how Sebastian grows and changes, taking Kat along with him for the ride. The ONLY reason this got a 4-star rating instead of a 5 is a snafu in a lot of conversation mid-way through the book. There are so many “rules” and “guidelines” on how to handle conversation for writers that it gets difficult to know which ones to follow. Unfortunately, Kat and Sebastian were placed in the middle of a party where everyone was talking. I got completely lost and I still have no clue who was talking at any given moment. But how does one break that up without a lot of ungainly, small paragraphs that are distracting in their own way? Perhaps she did the best she could with the restrictions she was handed.
THEN, I hit what I think of as the tipping point. There was a point in the book where I couldn’t put it down for anything. Not even when my bedtime came and went and I knew I’d regret it in the morning. I had to find out how it would end! And I wasn’t disappointed. The ending was you would expect and yet not what you expect. She did a stellar job.
As a warning upfront. If things like this bother you, then well, you’ve been warned. Her brother was mentally ill with an illness I know well. He’s also gay and Valerie wasn’t shy in letting us know about Blaze’s boyfriend. Kat also has a rather outspoken friend by the name of Lane. She also has quite the mouth on her, and even a bet with her mother to forever get out of social events she hated couldn’t keep her language clean. However, it seemed to fit her personality. There are also two detailed explicit scenes in the book. I’ll leave it up to you to decide if they were warranted or not. I personally didn’t find they distracted from the story line at all. I definitely have no problems recommending this book to others who like this genre.
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